Keep It Moving

He calls you but he’s always out of his house. In the middle of a conversation the phone goes dead. He never answers his phone at night. Sound familiar? If he’s single as he’s claimed and lives alone as he’s claimed, there can be no reasonable explanation for these occurrences. If he tells you his phone is new and he doesn’t know how to work it, sends you text messages instead of calling or told you his phone keeps dying even though it’s new…. Read the writing on the wall.  Ladies, Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader or not?  The reason you have an inner voice is to help protect you from stupidity and ignoring it will result in grave consequences. This is a man in a relationship looking to upgrade or looking to play around but he is not a man that’s available. Stop trying to accept his haphazard excuses because you like him. It’s obvious he doesn’t like you - if he did he would come to you correct. He would come to you like a man. The moments he gives you are not enough to sustain a relationship and you should never accept pieces of a man. Count yourself lucky you have that inner voice and keep it moving. 

House Of Cards

Why some would choose to begin a new relationship based on lies is beyond understanding. There is absolutely no possible way such a union can achieve success and longevity. Lies in any relationship, when discovered, are difficult to maintain and difficult to accept. If however, there is history between the two involved, a lie could possibly be forgiven because you are familiar with the person who is being deceitful and might be able to understand why the deception may have manifested. Unfortunately this is not the case in a new relationship. When a relationship is built on deception, when discovered, it calls into question everything ever stated or claimed. All credibility the liar had up until then is extinguished along with trust and respect. Any feelings, regardless of how true, will now fall on deaf ears and every word spoken from then on will be challenged.   Eventually the energy required to guard our feelings from being betrayed again will wear down the most compassionate person and the relationship will be forced to come to a sad ending.   

Does Your Child Have ADD - A DUMB DADDY?

There was a time in history when men in a certain socio economic group had a reputation for abandoning their children. Thanks to a certain You Are The Father talk show host, we now know there are more than one group of men who willingly skip out on their kids. It’s natural for us to blame the men for this behavior but a lot of their lack of responsibility comes from their upbringing. Young men should be taught early on it is not okay to be an absent parent and any son who does not take care of their child should be excluded from all family gatherings. Pay Attention - Sitting down and sharing dinner with a man who refuses to acknowledge his own flesh and blood is unfair to the man and to his children. This irresponsible behavior cannot be allowed to go on without consequences. In order for us to have better lives we have to raise better children. Family values and responsibility should be a primary lesson taught to all children but by teaching our sons the importance of maintaining relationships with their children we raise smarter men.

Sloppy Seconds

Women who go after their best friend’s man should be drummed out of the core of womanhood. There is no excuse for hanging with your girl, listening to her problems then running behind her back and doing her man. First off, how many times must it be said and written – If he will do it to her he will do it to you! No matter how many times that has been proven true there’s always some woman dumb enough to think she’s different, her coochie is better and he really loves her. Really? If you are that sure of yourself why not just come clean to your best friend the minute you have feelings for her man? Why wait until you’ve been doing it for a while or until you get caught?  If your ish is tight and there’s no shame in your game then tell your friend up front. You will gain more respect for keeping it real then by being fake. Friendship is a relationship built on love and trust. This is the person you turn to when things are great and when things are not so great. Your best friend holds your secrets, believes in your dreams and tells you like it is when you are off track. To allow a man to ruin that relationship is ridiculous because chances are she might forgive him but you? You have destroyed a support system that could have help make you a better woman, a better mother and a better wife.  And even if she doesn’t forgive him it will be hard for her to forgive you because you violated her trust. By going after your friend’s man you establish yourself among your friends and family as a woman not to be trusted. People will talk to you but best believe they are also talking about you. This act of betrayal will follow you throughout your life and manifest itself one way or another throughout the rest of your relationships. No matter how hot you think your friends man is, doing her sloppy seconds just makes you sloppy.

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

Some parents believe they are giving their children opportunities in life that were not afforded to them by providing the child with everything they want. Unfortunately the lesson taught and learned is that life is filled with instant gratification. Spoiling children comes with very steep consequences. Children taught to expect everything in life lack the ability to cope when faced with rejection. Unable to indulge their desires, their egos are shattered. It is important for all children to learn about delayed gratification. Without this element in life their impulse control will fail to operate. There are young women out there who are desperately seeking love and accepting what they think is love from every man who will buy them a drink. When a young woman falls in love with a man within three days either she is falling in love with being in love or she doesn’t know what love is. Chances are she is unaware of what love is. She also has a need for instant gratification. A woman whose ego is already damaged and out looking for love will more than likely end up rejected, alone and feeling used. In the days of the World Wide Web, if you don’t teach your daughter that good things come to those that wait, you will end up with a confused young woman announcing to the entire world every three weeks how the guy she just met could be the one.

Dirty Man – Clean Him Up!

Most people shower as a traditional way of starting their day. Having a clean body and removing body odor makes it easier for others to deal with us. Some of us have stronger odors than others and therefore require several washings per day. This is necessary in order to have uncomplicated communication with people in the workplace and in the world. Men who work all day and stop at a club for drinks before going home are usually in the mood for sex. When they come in tipsy from drinking and spot their woman in the bed they will take off their clothes and pull her close to him. When she pulls away his ego is hurt and a fight ensues. He thinks she’s not interested in sex but the reality is he stinks. It is inconceivable to expect someone to lick on you when you have not washed your body. Assuming you have washed before leaving for work, most people accrue eight hours of work grime, possible grime from the club and daily grime from people on the street. Everyone’s body has nooks and crevices that hide not only dirt but funk and private parts secrete strong odors of their own. Compound all of that with about 11 hours of no soap and you have a very nasty surface. Becoming intimate with someone who hasn’t washed for at least 8 hours is like jumping into the mud pond with the rest of the pigs. Why would any decent human expect another to lay in filth with them? A little sweaty sex is hot to have every now and then but we’re talking something like basketball sweat not all day funk. If you want your woman to make love to you or just let you hit it till you get off, you have to have a clean body and that includes your ears. If you spend your day on the phone, clean ears are a must. No one wants to stick their tongue into a dirty ear. It seems like a minor point to bring about but I’m amazed at how many emails mention men who expect oral sex and have not washed themselves. Pay Attention – All day funk is not like the 10 Second Rule. You can’t blow it and then put it in your mouth.

Trapping A Man With A Baby

Every woman knows at least ten women who had a baby with a man who didn’t want it. Those women, selfish beyond no other, had the children hoping to trap a particular man not realizing they were only setting a trap for themselves. These are women who unfortunately did not learn as children that no means no. Pay Attention -  All children should learn this lesson.  Once children are able to understand no means no, they are better equipped to handle life’s rejections. It is the lack of being able to handle rejection that causes a person to cling to someone who doesn’t want them. As adults we know a baby will never make a man want a woman yet every year we have young women (and older women) walking around with children whose fathers do not want them. As teachers in the lives of young girls, it is our responsibility to inform them as young as possible over and over again that having unwanted babies will not bring them any closer to a man. There are many young girls walking around miserable and heartsick with children they are incapable of raising because the children are products of fathers who did not want them. By constantly reinforcing into young girls heads rejection does not take away from who they are you plant a seed. And while it may take a few generations for the full effect to be acknowledged, it really doesn’t matter how long it takes as long as it takes. If we don’t break the cycle soon every woman will know at least ten women who have been on television telling the talk show host (and the world) how her Baby’s Daddy won’t acknowledge their child.

Pride

Many relationships end because of pride. Being right verses being happy is a chance best left untaken. While many of us feel some satisfaction from being right the feeling is only temporary and eventually once you realize you've allowed an irrational decision to cost you the love of your life that immature choice will gnaw away at you forever. When it comes to love most people equate pride with defeat but there are two sides to pride and relationships are not big enough to handle both of them.  The alternate to being right is accepting defeat or swallowing your pride. When you tell yourself you are swallowing your pride for your partner what exactly are you swallowing? Self importance, smugness, arrogance? These are all signs of pride that should be swallowed otherwise they will stand in the way of your true happiness. When you love someone the pride you have should be the honor and dignity you feel towards your partner for being in your life.  Never let misplaced pride keep you from spending your life with the one you love. If you allow a disagreement to separate you, when you look back on your decision later in life you will regret passing up on what could have been.

The Next Best Thing

If you meet someone and the chemistry between the two of you set off immediate sparks, the feelings you get from this interaction can be incredible but as incredible as it feels, you should slow down.  Feelings are manifestations of life’s daily interactions and they fluctuate throughout your entire life. In order for your instant attraction and wonderful feeling to grow into love, you need to have a rational evaluation of this person’s life.  First and foremost – are they presently in a relationship? It does not matter if their relationship is about to end, they’re living separate lives or they’ve looked at you and their heart stopped. If they are in a relationship and plan to end that relationship because of you – you have not won. Pay Attention – This person always goes for the next best thing.  There is nothing admirable about a person who would end one relationship for another. You have to know the predictor of future behavior is past behavior. You’re not any more special than the partner they’ve dumped, your just better. Better looking, better job, better credit, better potential it doesn’t matter how better but something you have is better and they want that better around them because it makes them look better. The two of you together could be the best thing ever but as soon as someone else comes around whose better - just as you One Upped her, someone else will One Up you.

The Pooper

Usually when a man says he doesn’t like to argue what he’s really saying is I like to argue until I’m losing the argument or caught in a lie, then I don’t like to argue anymore. He will hang up, walk away or cut off all communication until he feels the coast is clear. Uncomfortable with women who are intellectually superior, his inability to effectively communicate only deepens his feelings of insecurity forcing him to resort to what he knows best – hurling insults. Desperate to feel power in the relationship he will bully, attack and demean you all under the pretense of it being a joke. He's not joking, if you think he is – try responding and watch him take off.  Like a mouse, he runs out of his hole, poops then runs back into his hole and hides. He will tell you everything he doesn’t like about you and the minute you try to respond he suddenly remembers he doesn’t like to argue and you’re an argumentative person. He will constantly tell you and everyone who will listen you argue too much when in reality he starts each and every dispute. Before you know it, all of your conversations become confrontations and no matter how logical you are, he’s forced you to reduce to his level because that is the only way he can communicate. So now both of you are hurling snide remarks and insults and guess what? He’s happy. He’s happy because you are finally communicating on a level he understands. Don’t do it.  This guy is a master at playing mind games and exploiting the weakness of others. It’s his Bonaparte. He already knows avoiding your conversation is a sore subject with you so by blaming you for altering the dynamics of the relationship; you focus on setting the record straight instead of the issue at hand. Feel like you’re going in circles?  You are but here’s the good news. You’re not crazy! You will be if you continue to put up with him the way he is but this relationship could work if he can overcome his insecurities. Is that possible? How badly do you want him?

He’s Not A Rat – Just A Bigger Mouse!

When he’s picking fights with you over insignificant occurrences, something’s wrong. He has something going on with him that will impact your relationship and he is avoiding the issue. Never let a man rush you into a relationship and definitely never let them rush you to the altar. There’s a reason good things come to those who wait. Time is essential and necessary when it comes to sharing your body and your life with another person. While they may present you with a fantastic package for your future and might even promise you the world, stop and really listen to him; if you don’t, when the ish hits the fan you’re going to look back over the relationship and realize all the warning signs were there you just failed to recognize them. This man is a bottom feeder. He will crawl out from under his rock and cleverly disguise the information in conversation. And while you may have caught it - because you trusted his spoken words and not his subliminal Indian smoke screen, you were not able to realize the significance behind his slippery remarks. When a man ignores the woman carrying his child whether he wanted the child or not he is not the man for you.  If he begins a relationship with you, he should inform you of everything in his life that may impact yours so that you can make an informed decision regarding the direction of your future. By hiding that information from you he is taking away your power to determine the outcome of your life.  The child isn’t going away so eventually if you are going to be in a relationship with this man, you will have to have dealings with the child but that decision should be yours and yours alone.  Any man who would string you along knowing full well he has a child on the way is selfish. Every man is measured by his behavior and his words. Pay Attention - If he fails to recognize his own child, if he fails to recognize the woman carrying his child, if he fails to inform you of that child – he will fail you too.

Game On!

If you are ever unfortunate to have your man cheat on you, you know how devastating the breach of trust penetrates the very core of your heart. Depending on the circumstances and your definition of forgiveness, if you believe it will never happen again you can recover from this unfortunate incident and go on to have a happy life. But if this happens a second time - you have now become a pawn in your man’s game of life. Here’s how it’s played. There are two pawns, you and her and one winner – him.  Each pawn has an important role and without them the game cannot be played. Pay Attention – His life exists only to play this game.  

Level One - His mission is to first win your love then over time reduce you to nothingness. He will make you think he has given you his love, might even make you think you are running things then when he’s sure you are confident you have him, the game begins. Like a hunter he will go out and search for the perfect pawn to play this game; the unsuspecting other woman. You know her, the kind of woman who thinks her cootchie is the bomb and no man can resist her.  She believes she can make any man do whatever she wants because – well - they all want to be with her. Convinced the only reason she is devoid of a man of her own is because men are afraid of her independence, when he enters her life she won’t even know what hit her and like you over time will be reduced to nothingness.  Like most experienced hunters, he’s organized and patient. He’ll wine and dine her, give her gifts and provide her with incredible sex. He’ll respect her independence to the point where she will come to believe he is the only man who understands what it is to be her. Then without warning, he’ll tell her about you. Level Two – Her initial reaction will be hurt and betrayal and he now begins the game of regaining her love. The excitement is orgasmic. He’ll beg, he’ll plead, he’ll send gifts to her job and probably even show up unannounced everywhere she is… then he’ll raise the stakes and promise to leave you. Eventually she’ll forgive him and he advances to the next level. For him this win is better than sex. Level Three – She will now set out to get him from you no matter what it takes. She’ll be understanding towards him, fix his favorite meals, wear sexy clothing and provide him with incredible sex. She will now beg for his love and beg him to leave you. Once again the excitement is orgasmic and he advances another level. Level Four – You find out. Like her, you will suffer from the hurt and betrayal. At this level the stakes are higher but he’s confident he will regain your love. His excitement, barely containable, is exhilarating. He’ll beg, he’ll plead, take you on trips, buy you expensive jewelry and promise to never see her again. And after months of putting the cootchie on lock down, you start thinking about all you’ve “put” into him. Why should she get your man? Then eventually you too… forgive him. Ding Ding Ding Ding Ding – He’s Won!!!!

Your man’s life is revolved around two games. With you he will give his love, snatch it away then set about to win it back and with her he will give his love, snatch it away and set about to win it back. His high is making people suffer and you are the most important component in this game. His primary motivation is to inflict pain and anguish then see of how long it will take before he can convince people to allow him back into their good graces. Each time he crushes you the stake is raised and his challenge is seeing how long it will take before you say I love you again. If you do not make the game challenging for him, in other words if you beg for his love like the mistress does, he will leave you because there is no challenge. Pay Attention - This is his cycle of life and it will NEVER change! If it is your goal in life to be happy, healthy and emotionally stable…..RUN! 

Because once a newer version becomes available he will play again.

Who's Is It and What’s My Name?

Really? When you find yourself with a man that can’t hit it, it would be in your best interest to let him know - immediately. It’s easier to teach him how to please you when your sexual relationship is new, that way you can blame his short comings on the newness of the relationship. If you pretend he’s doing something when he’s not, when you finally do become fed up with not being satisfied and begin to mention how you wish he could do more for you, you will release a side of him that would make Rumpelstiltskin’s head spin. No matter how delicately you phrase it, his ego will never be able to handle you telling him he can’t screw. After all he’s been hittin it; he knows this because you’ve been lying to him telling him how good it was when it wasn’t. Anything you say after telling him it’s his, in his eyes, means you’re lying and you want to be with someone else. You have assaulted his manhood and now you’re a whore. If he’s someone you truly love and would prefer not to lose – you lose anyway because now he will forever have a point to prove.  He will be on top of you, behind you and under you banging away like a madman asking you over and over again whose is it and what’s my name? He will swear he’s doing something when all he’s really doing is making your inner legs sore. Why? Because in his world, He with the most power is the ruler.  And what better way to display power than by applying a little pain. Banging away on you shows you he’s in control and thus knows what he’s doing.  You will have to always tell him it’s his and he’s the one otherwise you’re a ho. Oh and be prepared to be on your knees more than ever.  You will now have to idolize him because he is King and can’t handle the truth!

So the first time he asks Whose Is It? You’d better speak up and say in your softest voice, I’m glad you asked, let me show you how to make it all yours…..

The Spoiler

There are people who no matter how well intentioned they appear to be, will always be nothing more than a spoiler. This is the friend who’s always had your back no matter what or so you thought. The down to earth friend who’s always available with a sympathetic ear willing to listen to your problems about your man all the while surreptitiously plotting to destroy all that is good in your life. Spoilers usually fancy themselves as a hero and are therefore the unofficial (yet official) leader of everyone in their circle. Never able to accept anyone under their command having more than them, if you’re smarter, more successful, in better shape, have a better home or have a man who makes more money than theirs, you are an unsuspecting target. They will counsel you about your relationship infest your thoughts with doubt, tell you what you should never tolerate from your man, then go home and take the same ish from their own man. They’ll never offer you suggestions on how to repair your relationship because they don’t want you to fix it they want you to end it. Every problem you share no matter how small always end with… you should leave your man. Don’t do it. You’ll end up alone. Pay Attention – A spoiler will ruin your relationship but will never leave their man. Spoilers are the most dangerous type of friend to have, highly skilled at their craft; you usually never notice your insecurities have been exploited until its too late.  When the relationship with your man ends they will be the first one there to comfort you through your pain making you feel lucky to have them as a friend but when the pain subsides and you sit back and look at the overall picture you’ll find yourself alone and the spoiler is at home with their man. Extremely hypocritical, spoilers have absolutely no control in their own relationships. Unable to share that information with you because it would display weakness and they would lose their leadership status among the circle, the only way for them to compensate for the lack of power in their life is to involve themselves with the relationships of their friends - and destroy them. This brings them temporary relief from their own troubles. But since they are only putting a band aid on their problems instead of facing them, their pain returns and like all vampires the thirst comes back and they must feast….again.

Tolerance

Every relationship has strong elements of give and take. No matter how much you love your partner, inevitably there will be times throughout the union where you will absolutely disagree with some of their actions. Fortunately you have choices, you can voice your displeasure and make an issue of it or you can remain silent and allow the action to go unchallenged. Science has taught us no matter how similar we are to another human being, we are all individual. While there is no denying our family, friends and society play a major role in how we process information, the way we arrive at our conclusions is a compilation of individual thought processes. In a relationship, some believe partners eventually merge into one but realistically that isn’t possible. Relationships change as situations change. You can be 50/50 at one point 70/30 at another and 90/10 at yet another. The percentages fluctuate as the relationship enters in and out of different stages. The key is to finding a comfort zone and working to remain within that zone. The dynamics of the love you have for your partner should be your motivating decision maker when it comes to confronting issues.  You are still individual and therefore will never agree with every action your partner might make but you can learn to understand, tolerate and respect the one you love.

Scarlet Letter

If you are a woman with multiple sexual partners and display them publicly society will judge you as amoral. Women who exhibit poor morals and loose sexual behavior are labeled as sluts, whores, skeez, skank… you get the picture. If you’re searching for your ultimate mate and in your search you choose to give up the goodies to every man you date that’s your business. If you like having lots of sex with many men that too is your business.  The key word is your business. You have to know as a woman, publicizing your sexual trysts especially on a social network is scandalous. Discretion protects your privacy and maintains a perception of self respect even though your actions are questionable. Approaching every encounter with an announcement to the world “he’s the one” shows a lack of maturity, poor judgment and a deficiency of impulse control. And while your friends are co-signing every blow by blow detail you share with the internet, rest assured they are ALL talking behind your back about your skanky behavior. Pay Attention - When you screw 10 different men in 12 months not to mention the backsliding sex with ones you’ve split with, you’re nasty. Friends are funny, you may not remember every encounter you have but your friends will and even though you may have lost count – you’re friends have not. If you don’t believe this watch what happens when you stop being friends with one of them. In anger they will recite every escapade you’ve ever had right down to what color underwear you wore. We all have the right to live our lives as we see fit. Some of us are more experimental and adventuresome than others. When living La Vida Loca remember - you may have children one day. Imagine how hurt you will feel when your child comes home crying because their new best friend can’t play with them. Why? Because their mommy says you’re a slut. We lead by example.

Hair And Nails Girls

We all know them, women who walk around with their hair and nails looking fierce at all times - compliments of their benefactor. It’s amazing how many women are proud of the fact a man foots the bill for them to get their hair and nails done but let’s break it down.

Mani and Pedi every two weeks - $25.00

Hair every two weeks - $80.00

$105.00 every two weeks or $210.00 per month

$210.00 divided by 30 days comes out to roughly $7.00 day. 

For $210.00 a month you provide your benefactor with unlimited sex. Hair and nails girls that are younger have sex multiple times a day and some have sex while on their cycle. The point is you are giving that man your gift for approximately $7.00 a day. Still proud?

Some benefactors require visual representation for their egos to establish their wealth and status within the community. If you allow someone to become your benefactor you are agreeing to provide them with access to your services. Depending on the status of the benefactor, if the hair and nails girl is good at her craft (sexing him up), she could also receive housing, food, clothing, the privilege of being a part of the inner circle and recommendations to other wealthy benefactors. As a hair and nails girl, you are under the direction of your benefactor and in order to continue receiving funding you willingly give up (along with your gift) your dignity and self respect but here’s the good news – you look good! Benefactors commission work for different reasons but when your neighborhood homeboy is paying for your hair and nails he’s paying for that unlimited sex! The more available income he has at his disposal the more services he expects to receive but do the math; you’re still passing out the coochie for pennies on the dollar. Even women who are capable of paying for their own hair and nails seek benefactors. They willingly trade their gift for inexpensive goods thinking all the while they are getting away with something not realizing they are the ones getting “got”. The feeling of self worth derived from choosing who you give your gift to as opposed to who you’re obligated to give it to is priceless. Being a hair and nails girl is nothing to be proud of besides Hookers make more.

The Intimacy Of A Kiss

Kissing is a way of saying hello, it’s nice to meet you, I really like you…

When beginning a new relationship, anticipating the first kiss can be intoxicating. Making a good impression on the first date is important and making sure we have clean teeth and fresh breath is protocol.  We do this because of the spontaneity that comes with each new relationship no one wants to be caught off guard. For some of us the first kiss can be a bit awkward and it might take one or two kisses before learning each other’s style. For others the first kiss is like greeting a long lost love, everything clicks and a strong chemistry is felt from the start. Kissing is not only sexual intimacy but is a precursor for sex. The more kissing we engage in the more aroused we feel. The intense passion experienced from deep penetrating kisses can grow like a seed and spread inside us touching sexual sensors and arousing one of the most powerful feelings of emotion we have; the yearning to feel connected and accepted by another.  Tongue kissing releases a passion so gratifying to our imagination, creativity takes over and our adventuresome spirit immediately begins exploring our partner’s mouth, sucking their lips, sucking their tongue and gliding our tongue over their teeth. The experience is truly orgasmic. Then comes the sex and eventually the deep penetrating kisses once enjoyed in the beginning of the relationship by both, no longer occur. Within time the relationship is reduced to pecking each other like friends instead of kissing like lovers. Many couples unfortunately go years without tongue kissing their partner or only tongue kiss during intercourse. The initial effort of making sure your breath is always fresh and your teeth are always clean becomes too much to focus on when there are everyday life issues to deal with. The need to impress has virtually disappeared. Many think why bother – wrong. Kissing keeps an intimate connection with your mate that is exclusive to the two of you. It’s an important component required in maintaining a loving relationship. No matter how mad you are at your partner, passionate kissing silently says yes, I feel you and I love you too!

Happy New Year!

May You All Have Love, Peace and Prosperity Throughout The New Year!