Raising The Bar

Never let someone convince you your expectations are unreasonable. If you have a set of inner core standards and require certain behavior or treatment from your partner in order to be happy; stay true to yourself. Keep in mind, if your expectations border on insanity then you should prepare yourself for a lifetime of broken relationships. If however, your requirements are reasonable, then under no circumstances do you compromise. There’s nothing wrong with setting standards. These are what are also known as your non negotiable. If you know yourself then you know what will and will not make you happy. Establish an internal list of non materialistic requirements and use them as your guideline for selecting a mate. Many non negotiable items are attainable because they are usually behavioral elements. These items, if slightly flawed, can be worked on and through time remedied if your partner has a willingness to change. If you express your displeasure and they refuse to change you will never be happy.  Life is beautiful and short. Live your life to be happy and if your partner makes you unhappy move on.

Can You Hear Me Now?

The Forgotten Ex-Spouse

How exactly does one forget they were ever married? Hmmm. When a partner informs you they have never been married and two months into the relationship they slip and mention their ex-spouse, red flags should go up. When you question them about it and they tell you they forgot they were married you should immediately end all communication, walk away, hang up, never see them again whatever it takes but get out of that relationship before it’s too late. Telling a lie adds a burden to a relationship, telling one that alters the course of the relationship is hard to move past and you are always going to have drama with this person. It doesn’t matter how emotionally invested you believe you are; the sooner you cut your losses the sooner you will heal. Marriage, good, bad or indifferent is not an experience a person usually forgets. Don’t let double talk cloud your judgment. The issue is not that they have an ex spouse, the issue is their explanation to you for why they lied. Anyone who would come up with such a ridiculous story so early in the relationship has issues that are bigger than you and they have presented you with a prelude of what’s to come. If this incident is driving you crazy just imagine what’s waiting for you down the road. This is a selfish person on so many levels. Their audacious behavior not only dictates the course of the relationship but denies you your ability to make decisions for yourself. Listen to your inner voice and let them go.

Love DNA

Love, the most widely recognizable sought after feeling in the world is as unique as our DNA. Just as no two people think alike, no two people love the same. Love - is individual. Universally we all acknowledge love feels good but how good it feels depends on our exclusive inner being. When someone presents us with advice on love keep in mind their information is merely one scenario out of billions of scenarios. Most of us operate under the premise there is only one way to love but the truth is there is no template for it. As a species everyone generally uses similar guidelines which have comparable characteristics but the depth to which we love another person is based solely on our individual feelings, upbringing and moral compass. When you see a couple struggling with conflict due to unfaithfulness, then see the same couple a year later and they’re madly in love, many of us by instinct wonder how the partner who was wronged could now be in love.  We question their ability to forgive based on our own ability to forgive. The truth is some people are more forgiving than others. People who possess a forgiving nature will eventually be able to move on. Those who have difficulty forgiving anything will not have as easy a time of doing so. Neither approach is right nor wrong - it’s just who we are. It would probably help with future relationships if we studied our partners; learning through their behavior and actions how they love.  Many of our conflicts come out of our inability to understand how our partner could hurt us or behave in a certain way because they're suppose to love us and more importantly because we wouldn’t treat them in that manner. What we are really doing is comparing the way they love to the way we love and that simply won’t work.  While the way our partner defines love may be similar to ours in fashion, they will never love exactly the same way we do. By understanding our partner’s likes, wants, desires, happiness, sadness and yes anger – we in essence learn how they love. And if we know how they love, we are less likely to become disappointed in the way they love us.

Dealing With A Mean Co-worker

As adults we tell our children not to pay attention to someone who is talking badly about them but somehow we forget to apply that advice when it comes to our own happiness. Every now and again some of us find ourselves in a situation of having to deal with a co-worker who is a bully and even though we are a parent or spouse to someone, that adult bully can trigger feelings of frustration and anxiety within us that spill over into our lives at home. Fortunately as adults we are armed with much more information than was available when we were younger. If negativity is around you remove yourself from it. You don’t have to eat meals with an unpleasant co-worker, you don’t have to go to functions with an unpleasant co-worker and you don’t have to have conversations with an unpleasant co-worker unless they are specifically work related. Any adult who takes pleasure in purposefully causing emotional stress to another adult is suffering from a personality disorder and although they are able to function outside of a mental hospital, without their meds they’re a pain in the ass. Don’t despair; there are several options available to protect yourself from them. One area you may want to explore is why you’ve allowed their opinion of you affect your performance. You don’t need their acceptance to be a whole person. If you feel you’re employer is not be able to stop the harassment, file a police report.  This creates a paper trail that cannot be refuted. The power is truly is yours.

Searching For Answers

If you have a suspicion your relationship has started to go astray, going through your partner’s cell phone, email, wallet or dresser is not the best way to handle it. This action is an invasion of privacy and can cause more complications than solutions. Do you have a right to do this because they are your mate? No. Violating someone’s privacy is a betrayal of trust and by doing so you create a situation that now has one betrayal addressing a possible betrayal. If by chance you find something while snooping and confront the offender, a clash of ethics then become the focus of attention. You are attacking their violation of your relationship and they are attacking your violation of their privacy. There is no right or wrong method for confronting a suspicion of distrust. Each occurrence is determined on a case by case basis. What requires class and sophistication on one occasion has nothing to do with having to check someone in another. The point is to not react impulsively but instead stop and think about which approach is most effective for you. Some are able to place suspicions on a back burner and go on with life dealing with the situation if it materializes in front of their face. Others unable to process information in that manner opt to directly confront their suspicions head on.  And still others – snoop. Don’t do something wrong to catch a wrong. No matter what method you use to find out if your suspicions are true you’re still going to have to verbally communicate. Whatever situation you find yourself in throughout life, your actions and behavior will always determine the outcome.

 While Michael was stinking up the bathroom, Brenda took this as her opportunity to see what’s really going on with him.  She went through his pants pockets. Empty! Where in the hell did he put his wallet? He act like I want what’s in it.  Dang, I just want to see what’s there and you know, if there happen to be a few 100’s….Brenda looked under the mattress, Ah hah!! She opened his wallet and the first thing she saw was a picture of him and a family….This Mofo is married? Get the hell out of here!  He told me he wasn’t!! Aw hell naw! She opened the bill compartment and took everything.  Hmph!  Brenda quickly put her clothes on, gathered up her belongings, opened the hotel room door, put the stuff in the hall then walked to the bathroom.  She kicked the door open, Michael instinctively covered himself. “What are you doing?” he asked. You married motherfucker? “What? No! Yes! How do you know?” he demanded. She held up his wallet then tossed it towards the bed. “What the fuck are you doing with my wallet?” Michael wanted to know.  Don’t you worry about your precious wallet. You have a wife and kids?  I specifically asked you if you were married! “Look, we can talk about this when I get off the toilet. Can you excuse me for a minute? Damn!” Michael tried to close the door but Brenda blocked him.  Naw fuck that, I want to know why you fucking lied to me!! “Will you let me wipe my ass please?! If you really wanna know, I don’t owe you shit. The only woman I have to answer to don’t look like you and aint as easy as you!” You know what? Fuck you! Brenda turned to leave.  Michael yelled after her “Fuck you! Oh already done that!” He laughed.  Brenda walked out of the hotel and slammed the door.  She picked up her purse and his clothes off the floor and left the hotel.  Answer to that Bitch! Brenda got into her car and drove off. About a mile away, she rolled down the window and throw his clothes in the wind.

Merry Christmas To All!

They Cheated - Now What?

When a partner violates the bond that makes a relationship exclusive we are forced to choose between right and wrong. Do we forgive their act of betrayal and work through it or do we walk away. For many of us the level of acceptability when it comes to a betrayal of trust within a relationship varies based on our moral compass. While everyone acquires the basic definition of society’s right and wrong; the lessons taught are often contradictory. As children we learn if we do the wrong thing we could be punished yet as we grow older we are expected to forgive someone for doing wrong to us because it is not our place to judge. Hilary forgave Bill but Elizabeth did not forgive John. Can you live the rest of your life with a person facing them every day without thinking about what they did to you? Because they didn’t do this for you they did it to you. If they did it once will they do it again? If they really loved you why did they do it in the first place? Can you trust anything about them ever again? If it’s true we teach people how to treat us then by forgiving the infidelity what exactly are we teaching … if they walk on us its okay because we’re a bigger person we can forgive? Everyone will have an opinion but the decision on whether or not to continue with the relationship will be based the way you feel about yourself - your real self.  

Are they sorry? Do you believe it will never happen again? How deeply are you in love with this person? Is the love you once shared stronger than a mistake? Whatever you choose, your decision should be based on what will keep you emotionally healthy. You and only you know what you can live with and at the end of the night you and only you have to be comfortable with the person you let share your bed.

The Secret

When a man truly loves a woman you know it. Like a hunter stalking its prey, he’ll learn what she likes; watch what makes her happy, observe the crowd around her and will wait for the right opportunity to make his move. If his game is tight and he’s is able to keep a man’s handle on his admiration, he won’t rush her choosing instead to court the woman of his desire. This type of man typically having completed his homework knows exactly how to make the object of his affection smile and will win her heart with his attention to details. Women want to be adored and his love for her has prepared him for the challenges he’ll face while trying to maintain his queen.

If the woman returns his love, the relationship begins the process of bonding. If however the woman does not love the man but feels he is the best she can do, she will enter into the relationship with him, go through the motions and bury her secret deep within. This relationship will never begin the most important stage in love... the process of bonding. This does not imply the woman doesn’t love him, she might love him; she’s just not in love with him. In this relationship they probably for the most part get along fine and if all goes well, could possibly have a very long term if not forever relationship. From time to time she will even try to convince herself that she is in love with him but eventually she will always come back to the reality that she is not in love with him. She settled.

They’ll marry, have children and for all outward appearances will have the quintessential life. Their friends and family will call them the perfect couple. His success from working hard will be visible and she will dote on him and their family to show her appreciation for his hard work. Every now and then she will question if she really knows what love is but inside... she is still coveting the secret. She doesn’t feel passion. Throughout their years together he will adore her as much as he did the day he laid eyes on her but every now and then he will look in her eyes and see a look of sadness. He’ll never confront her about it because deep inside - he knows. He’s always known -  but he’ll do as he’s always done… work harder to keep her happy. She will see his determination to make her happy and will smile because inside she knows he loves her. One day she sees another man and the secrets out. She feels passion. For years she has been a good partner who sacrificed her happiness for that of others but now the secret is exposed. Does she throw away everything for passion or does she once again bury the secret within….

Don’t Fall For The Faux Ho Ho!

Did your mate pick a ridiculous argument with you and shut down all communication right before the holiday? Well don’t be alarmed because you are not alone.  Many deadbeats bail when the holidays roll around.  They are so cheap - they would rather duck out now and beg forgiveness later.  Don’t fall for this.  If they bail on you right before Christmas – To The Left To The Left! Many people are presently experiencing the uncomforting reality of the economic downturn, it’s not the ideal position one would like to find themselves in but it happens. The process of gift giving is an extension of love… there isn’t a written monetary requirement attached to this. Society may have made it seem as though gifts equate money but before advertising became ultra savvy… gifts were handmade. If your mate is running out on you - this isn’t about gifts; this is about Grinch Greedy Boogers masquerading as partners who are so Bah Humbug they would run out on you rather than come out of pocket. Why would you even want them back?  They’ll come creeping around for some New Year Nooky then in a few weeks before Valentine’s Day rolls around you’ll be in another stupid fight providing yet another ridiculous reason for them to bail.  Why put yourself through the okidoke.  Let them go.

Did He Choose You Or Did He Settle For You?

Did he chase you? Did he chase you even after you said no?  Did he suffer for you? Did it break his heart when he couldn’t have you? Did he wait for you? Did he wait for you to see he’s the one? Does he surprise you? With silly little things no one else would remember? Does he support your dreams? Think of ways to improve when you can’t think anymore? Would he protect you? When you’re in his arms can you feel the beat of his heart? Would he die for you, fight the biggest guy in the bar because he called you a name. Would he hold you? In the middle of the night when you are in physical pain. Would he feed you? When you no longer have the strength to lift your arms? Would he bathe you? When you are tired and unable to move? Would he tell you stories? When you no longer remember your name or his? Did he choose you?

 Does he call you? Does he tell you over the phone he was just thinking about you? Does he care? If you said he couldn’t come over would he go somewhere else? Does he bring you gifts? When he comes through your door are his hands as empty as his belly? Does he show up at your events? Pay attention to you or look for what’s better? Does he like your children? Or is he jealous of their success?  Does he contribute or ask you how long before he can eat? Does he help you? When you’re standing at the door and your arms filled? Does he satisfy you? Or do you fake the big O? 

Every woman wants to know that the man she’s with… wanted her. You know the difference. And no matter how you try to pretend he loves you; inside you know he’s in it for entirely different reasons than yours. He settled for you because he’s a loser – why did you settle for him?

Mirror Image

Throughout our lives we have all confronted a person about something they’ve said that disturbed our sensibility only to discover that person will never accept responsibility for any wrongdoing. This leaves many of us wondering why some find it so difficult to acknowledge their actions have caused someone else pain. There’s a reason for this, they haven’t yet looked in the mirror. Most people are unaware the garbage that comes out of their mouth is the garbage within them. When we open our mouth to say something negative about someone, we’re really saying it about ourselves. Every catty remark, every criticism every observation we make about someone else are mirrored behavioral conflicts we don’t like about ourselves.  How many times have you silently listened to a friend complain about something only to say to yourself what a hypocrite, you do the same thing or how many times have you been accused of something by someone only to later discover they were doing it themselves? When someone says you can’t be trusted what they’re really saying is they can’t be trusted. We often find ourselves angry at someone’s comments or actions because subconsciously we recognize our own behavior in them. On the other hand, they say bad comments or behave badly because subconsciously that’s what they dislike about themselves. Much to our detriment this immorality is bounced around from person to person to person and while it seems never ending; elimination is possible. When we witness an act of kindness performed, the emotions within us swell and we are moved by love.

When someone says good things about someone else we are not angry at them because they spoke with love. When someone does something good for someone else we are not angry because they acted out of love. It makes us happy to see the love in someone else because we are seeing the love - in us.

Brenda arrived at the trendy Bistro where she was meeting her girls for lunch. Where are they? Anita raised her hand in the air. Brenda rushed over to the table and sat down.  Whew, hey, sorry I’m late.” No problem girl, sorry we started without you” said Anita.  “How’s it going?” I can’t stay. I’m so pissed with Janine, I just came to tell yall what happened then I gotta run. Everyone knew she was leaving because she didn’t have money for lunch. “What’s happened now?” Carmen asked. I was called to Janine’s school. I’m thinking about suing them.  Apparently there’s a new curriculum on the agenda. Dick sucking! “What?” Carmen and Anita asked.  Yes, they called me in to tell me Janine has been putting up posters advertising she’ll suck dick for $20.00. Brenda looks over at Anita’s plate and picked up a fork. Ooh that looks good. She helped herself to a forkful of Anita’s food. Anita stopped eating and concentrated on Brenda. “What the hell are you talking about?” Anita wanted to know. Girl I was so embarrassed. She’s been doing guys at school.  I was mortified. How did I end up with the neighborhood ho? Anita and Carmen looked at each other. I don’t know what to do. “Well what did she have to say about it?” Carmen asked. She couldn’t say anything I went the fuck off.  I took all the money she made and told her she couldn’t go to any parties for the rest of the year. I also brought plastic knives, forks and spoons. “For what?” Anita asked. So she can eat from them! I don’t know where her nasty mouth has been.!  Brenda grabs another forkful from Anita’s plate.  Look, I’ve got to run. They all rise, air kiss and Brenda runs off.  Carmen and Anita look at each other.  “Did she really just say that?” Carmen said. “Uh huh” Anita responded, then they burst into laughter.  Anita moved her plate towards the middle of the table.  “Where Janine’s mouth has been? Didn’t she just do some guy she met on the bus?” Carmen picked up the fork Brenda used “Some people should look in the mirror.” she then waved the fork in front of Anita’s face.  Anita pushed it away, “Girl move that bio hazard weapon away from me!” They laughed and prepared to leave.

Does Your Mate Support Your Achievements?

Pursuing a new venture on your own is not an easy task to do. Facing new endeavors without the support of your mate can make your road to success that much more challenging. The fear of failure and humiliation can be very frightening for even the strongest individual to deal with and having your mate put you down for your efforts can be debilitating. Some people no matter how much they profess to be in your corner are threatened by the success of others. If we fail to support our mates in their endeavors… eventually someone else will.  The probability your mate will resent your lack of support and move on without you is highly likely especially if you continue to tear them down. Whether it’s starting a new business, going after a new job or taking a class; words of encouragement from the person you love go a long towards reaching success. You don’t have to like what they are doing but if you truly love someone, encourage them – their success is your success.

Brenda couldn’t drive in to work today because she had to hide her car from the repo man. She called her mother, sister and cousin and not one of them would help her out.  Fuck em she thought.  They’re just hating cause I’m close to getting my degree. They’re gonna be some sorry asses when I’m making the big bucks and driving my Benz! Without their help Brenda had to ride the nasty bus.  As usual the bus was crowded and Brenda was pissed she was going to have to stand.  She found a spot in front of a Hispanic dude.  He’s cute she thought.  He got up and offered her his seat.  Wow and a gentleman to boot!  Brenda smiled and sat down.  She chewed her gum and read her book.  Every now and then the bus would stop suddenly and she would find the Hispanic dudes pelvis pushed toward her face.  After about the third time Brenda looked at his crotch and noticed a woody.  She looked up at him and he turned red.  Brenda smiled.  Aww that’s cute he’s embarrassed.  When Brenda’s stop arrived she excused herself and got off the bus. She walked down the street to her office building, entered and waited for the elevator.  As the elevator went up she noticed the Hispanic dude from the bus. What’s he doing here?  She looked at him and smiled.  He smiled back.  When her floor came he exited with her, Brenda turned towards him.  Are you following me? She asked. “As a matter of fact I am.” Brenda was taken aback.  He pulled her over to the side.  “I’m sorry, you are so beautiful I wanted to know if we could you know, kick it ?” Flattered Brenda agreed.  They decided to meet for lunch.  She would meet him at his office a few blocks up so she would know where he worked. They shook hands, he left and Brenda went to work.

When 12:00 came around Brenda was excited about her lunch.  She touched up her makeup then walked to Diego’s office.  He was a paper pusher at an accounting firm but who cared it was a job.  Diego led Brenda into his office then closed the door and locked it.  Brenda was a little surprised.  Why did you lock the door? “For this” he said then he kissed her deeply.  Brenda was wet.  She felt a bulge in his pants.  What’s that she teased?  “Oh this” he pulled out a roll of money.  Brenda’s eyes lit up.  He pulled off ten twenties.  “This is for you” He said. For me? Why? Diego put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her to her knees.  Brenda sighed with frustration but held up her hand.  Jose put the two hundred dollars in her hand and with her other hand she unzipped his pants…..

Should You Dumb Yourself Down For Your Man?

When we meet a new person it doesn’t take long before we know if we’re intellectually compatible with them. Then depending on how much you like them, if you’re smarter and a woman - you dumb yourself down. Why? Because if you don’t you risk making him think you’re an opinionated bitch. Society has a history of labeling intelligent women with undeserving titles – gay, needs a man, can’t get a man, can’t keep a man, difficult…the list goes on. But how is suppressing a person’s thoughts, ideals and dreams constructive? There was a time when it was suggested women should always make their man feel as though his thoughts were the most important in the world. Women were supposed to hide the fact they possessed intellect or common sense. Fortunately those days are gone or are they? No matter how tough a woman presents herself to be on the outside, inside she wants love, respect, acceptance and approval from her man. This gives her strength. When you silence a woman her spirit becomes damaged and while she might on the surface get over it, inside a wound has developed. Mutual respect is a key component to a healthy loving relationship. When we provide our partner with room to express thoughts without fear of repercussion we are in essence helping to establish trust within the relationship. This is all good in theory but in reality a man’s ego cannot handle a woman knowing more than him. It threatens his authority and diminishes his feeling of being the master. When you think about it simplistically, they learned about life from a woman, she was superior. If he has to learn from you too then you are superior. So do you continue to dumb yourself down? For now yes because society isn’t ready to acknowledge a world filled with powerful women or is it….. 

Okay tell it to me one more again – why I got to be silent? “What fo you talkin like that? You makin fun of me?” What fo I’m talkin like that?….I thought I was speaking the type of English you understand you dumb motherfucker! “Now you see, that’s why you aint nevah gone be able to keep a man.  I might not speak right but I got a good paycheck and I can pay my gotdamn bills!” Brenda was about to let loose on him but realized his dumb ass was right. Besides, Janine needed money for cheerleading.  I’m just playing. Why do you take everything so serious? Brenda reached for the belt buckle on his garbage man’s uniform. Carl stared down at her as she sucked him off. “Yeah I thought you’d change yo attitude.”

Brenda came in from work tired and hungry. She’d used some of the money she got from Carl earlier and picked up some groceries before she went to work. She was looking forward to fixing the steaks she bought. As she opened the door she smelled steak. Brenda smiled.  How did Janine know she would be tired and hungry?  Just as Brenda was about to enter the kitchen she heard voices.  Who the fuck? She went in and saw Janine sitting between some boy’s legs and was feeding him her steak!  What the fuck is going on in here? Janine jumped up but the boy didn’t move.  He just put another forkful of Brenda’s steak into his mouth. “Momma!” Janine cried. “You’re home early!” Bitch what the fuck is he doing in my house and eating my damn food?

Listening To Our Inner Voice

So many times we are faced with a situation in life where we immediately recognize something is not right but are often willing to overlook the obvious because we either don’t want to rock the boat, don’t want to offend someone or just don’t care. When we meet someone and things are working out great, we usually consider ourselves in a relationship after weeks of spending time together. The date may at first appear to be the perfect match for us but eventually we are presented with signs that indicate our initial observation was incorrect. As much as we tell ourselves and our friends how happy we are, inside we know that person is not who we really want to be with. Thus the trap begins and even though we will never admit it out loud - we settle.  Most people can only keep their true personality hidden for about 90 days, after that what you see is what you get. In other words, whatever behavior patterns they display on the 91^st day is the person you will forever deal with. If you compare the way a person is on day 91 to the way they were on say day 9, 20 or 30 – you will notice a remarkable difference in behavior and personality. Keep in mind the same can be said for you. The one person in the world you will never be able to tell a lie… is yourself.  You may try to convince yourself of something but when it’s all said and done that voice within will always say I told you so. Suggesting you walk away from a relationship because your mate squeezes the toothpaste in the middle and you squeeze it from the end would be unrealistic. Differences in daily performance cannot compare to differences in morality. If you give food to the less fortunate and your mate yells at them for asking for help – that’s a problem. You can share your concerns and explain why helping those in need is something passionate to your heart but if your mate rejects your feelings the relationship isn’t right for you.  Everyone should have an internal list of non negotiable items they are unwilling to compromise. Not only should we all have that internal list but we should be willing to acknowledge and honor it.  Listen to your inner voice. If a relationship isn’t right, walk away before you have too much of yourself invested in it and you end up settling on a life that brings more sadness than happiness. You can always buy a separate tube of toothpaste you cannot give someone passion if they are unable to accept it.

Keeping Your Daughter Off The Pole

If you want a socially conscious responsible young woman you can proudly display as your daughter you have to be that woman you want her to be. Our daughters learn by example. If you raise your daughter in an inappropriate environment, disciplinary resistance is bound to become an issue. Children are territorial over their mothers. Sharing you with an outsider can be difficult for them to handle. Resentment can set in and emotions become uncontrollable. When you begin dating a man and within a month he’s spending the weekend at your house - what are you teaching? If over the years you’ve had multiple men move into your home and your child is only 13 - what are you teaching? If you are angry with the world and shut yourself off into your room in total darkness what are you teaching? We are responsible for teaching and preparing our children for adulthood. Your daughter has enough on her plate just dealing with elements from her peers, television the internet and society. Conflict that occurs as a direct result of your behavior is a lot for her to carry. If you are having a hard time handling life imagine the pressures from her point of view.   You’re not fooling anyone when you bring a man home for sex. The resentment daughters have knowing their mother is sharing her emotion with someone else is hurtful to them. When your needs are placed in front of that of your daughter her anger grows. Your extra curricular relationships should be kept as far away from home as possible. You can have as many men as you want if that’s your passion but you should never ever bring them around your daughter. This sends her the wrong signals about sexual behavior and self respect. In order to stay ahead of outside influences, you have to always be above reproach in her eyes. Gone are the days of do as I say, not as I do. If you act slutty around her, when pressured by peers your daughter will hear that voice in the back of her head say why not she does it. But if you are always respectable and on top of your game, when pressured that voice will say should I or shouldn’t I.  The difference between the two is she now has your model behavior to compare her decision to.  

Brenda arrived at work late again.  Her boss has given her several verbal warning and now she is in jeopardy of receiving a written.  Fuck it let the union handle it. Last night and this morning Tyrone handled his. Janine was banging on the wall from all the noise. Note to self, talk to her about being so disrespectful. Tyrone’s dick is hypnotizing, every time she thought about him her panties got wet shoot should have stopped for some panty liners before coming in.  Brenda barely had enough time to set down her coffee cup when the phone rang.  It was her daughter’s school.  There’s a problem with Janine and Brenda had to go to the school immediately. Glad for any reason to leave work, Brenda rushed to the parking lot before remembering Tyrone had her car.  She called him as she walked to the bus stop but as usual he didn’t answer.  Pissed Brenda endures the ride with all of the creepy smelly people on the bus. Fortunately time went by fast because all she thought about was how good Tyrone’s dick was. When she arrived at the school they ushered her into the Principal’s office.  Damn, what the hell did this girl do now? Several of Janine’s teachers entered the room and Brenda knew the shit was about to get ugly.  One by one each teacher told stories about Janine.  Apparently for the past few months she has been combative, disrespectful and hiding under the desks giving blowjobs. Hold Up - What? Did she hear them correctly? Her 13 year old sucks dick? Brenda was speechless. The color drained from her face and someone rushed out to get her water.  The Principal then slid a stack of papers towards her.  They were hand scrawled posters and Brenda immediately recognized Janine’s handwriting.  She read through them.” I Will Suck Yo Dick For $20.00” and “Blow Jobs for $20.00”. Mentally Brenda fainted. When reality resumed she heard the Principal say something like we’re very concerned.  All Brenda wanted to do was get out of there.  “Please, someone bring my daughter to me. We need to go” she mumbled.  Janine came in looking like a baby.  Crying Brenda grabbed her daughter and left the school…..

Everyone Could Use A Little Support….

The difficulties that arise from everyday complications of a child’s life as well as that of our own can place an overwhelming amount of stress on anyone and while initially we are able to handle the pressure, as we get older, the burden becomes insurmountable, nerves become fragile and emotional meltdowns are inevitable.  If you find yourself raising a child alone a support system is a must! Women in general are so skilled at being the masters of multi tasking they convince themselves raising a child alone would be a piece of cake - wrong. Initially once a routine is established it might appear to be easy but there are many factors that haven’t even begun to surface and when they do appear, you will find yourself asking what was I thinking? If you work, you have to give your employer a certain amount of your life and brain power because - they’re paying you for it. When you get home and until the child goes to bed, you have to give them a certain amount of your life and brain power because that’s your community service and trust me if you do this job well, the community will be thankful. Whatever small part of your life you have left over you can arm wrestle with sleep for it but I speak from experience – sleep always win. There are parents who think all they have to do is teach their child the basics, explain their rules and the child will pretty much parent themselves. They’ve adapted the mama bird theory - push them out of the nest and they will fly. While some kids are capable of accomplishing this challenge, most teen’s brain cells have not fully formed and realistically - you are expecting way too much from them.  You might have masked your apparent withdrawal from their lives under the pretense of teaching them to be “independent” but really you’re just bailing on them because you’re tired of sharing, you’re tired of constantly monitoring and you’re tired of not having any time for yourself. You find yourself becoming resentful because it seems like all you do is give and give and give and no one is giving to you. Suddenly you and your teen are in constant battles and all of this is happening because you tried to do it all and now your tank is on empty. This is why it is so important to have a support system. When children are learning to walk, we don’t expect them to walk with us to the store after their first steps. Instead we work with them until they are able to walk on their own. It takes a couple of years of learning before they can independently walk with you around the park. The same holds true for teenagers transitioning into adulthood. Parenting goes far beyond the age of 18. You don’t stop teaching once they reach the age of consent and you certainly do not stop parenting. Do yourself a favor and get yourself a support system. You’ll be amazed at how many of life’s obstacles are easier to tolerate when you have someone in your corner to back you up.

Wake Up He’s Not Your Man….

Everyone deserves love.  More to the point, everyone deserves to have a love of their own.  If we see a child we like we wouldn’t hatch a plan to take them because if we did we would end up in jail for kidnapping. So why hatch a plan to steal someone’s mate? Anyone who would abandon a family or partner for another person is selfish - something you are sure to discover throughout your relationship but will probably overlook. Yes, relationships are always a work in progress but living life unable to trust the wandering eye of a partner is misery. Destroying a family or union is equally selfish. This behavior tells our family, friends and the world that we don’t care who we have to hurt to get what we want. Everyone should be cognizant of the footprint they leave behind. We all deserve to love unconditionally and feel unconditional love in return.  Stealing might provide a feeling of euphoria but eventually that high comes down and every time you look at that ill-gotten object, you know you didn’t earn it.

Brenda hadn’t seen Billy for 20 years.  Back in the day he was her Boo!  Cutting classes for all day sex sessions was their thing. Then for some forgettable reason it ended and they went their separate ways. Fast forward present day: Brenda found Billy on the social network and he added her. Wow look at Billy, he’s aged…and he’s married! He poked her. In spite of Brenda’s common sense, she begins dialog with him – a lot of dialog.  Soon the two of them are messaging, texting and chatting in upwards of 12 hours a day. Even though the way he looks today is not really someone she would pursue, he brings up all of their past sexual marathons and not only are the memories revived but the juices start to flow. Of course he tells her all about his terrible marriage and his terrible wife - the doctor. He reveals how she mistreats him, doesn’t show him love, is controlling and well just plain crazy.  Brenda feels sorry for him and is furious that crazy woman is mistreating him even though he hasn’t had a paying job for the past five years and she not only supports him but pays for all of his extravagant hobbies. Too bad they live three thousand miles apart from each other because she would rush to him and kick his evil wife’s ass. The sexual tension between the two of them is so strong Brenda is masturbating daily. Her desperate need to feel him inside her has made it hard for Brenda to focus on her job, her daughter and her dirty house.  The only thing that matters to Brenda is her smart phone and her computer. Then the sky opens and the light shines through – Billy called to tell her his wife is going on a trip with several girlfriends to the Caribbean for two weeks. Right then and there Brenda has an orgasm.  Damn, now she has to go into starvation mode because she only has one month to lose 20 pounds.  For the next four weeks Brenda is on cloud nine even though she’s starving.  She skipped her rent payment and went shopping.  She bought over two thousand dollars worth of lingerie, new outfits, shoes and handbags.  Janine will have to skip cheerleading this year cause it’s time for some me time Brenda thought.  She purchased her plane ticket; paid for her hotel and paid to have her rental car delivered to the hotel.  Brenda has now maxed out her credit card and doesn’t care because the end result will be in her favor. Ahh, the big day has arrived. The plane ride over had to be the longest flight in history. Brenda was jumpy, jittery and moist as hell but finally the plane landed.  After Brenda collected her luggage, she waited outside for Billy to pick her up.  She waited and waited and waited. Something’s wrong, she becomes frantic. What if something’s happened to him? She wondered.  Five hours later after several hundred unanswered phone calls and text messages she finally got a text that says – Sorry, my wife found out you were coming and forbid me to see you. What? That’s it?  He’s sorry? Brenda immediately text him back but he doesn’t respond.  Suddenly everything around her started spinning.  The enormity of all the shit she’s done to make this trip happen has begun to crash down on her. Defeated she canceled the delivery of her rental and picked it up from the terminal instead.  After several wrong turns she finally found her hotel. She checked in, went to her room and fell directly onto her bed where she proceeded to cry for the next 16 hours getting up only to go to the bathroom and to check her phone for messages from Billy. On the third day she finally decided to pick herself up and tour the city.  While out the sky opened again – Billy sent her a text and asked her to meet him for lunch.  Even though she was mad at him she wanted to hear his explanation so she agreed.  The restaurant was very nice.  Brenda looked around for Billy but he wasn’t there.  Probably running late she thought.  She waited over an hour before she started to realize he played her again. I don’t fucking believe this! Brenda was just about to leave when he casually strolled in. Ewww, he looked a lot older than his posts, but I guess that’s okay we all age.  He cruised in and apologized for being late. What? No kiss? No hug?  He grabbed the menu and picked out an expensive meal, Brenda thought okay and picked out an expensive meal too.  Billy then began to spin his tale.  Yes his wife is away but he couldn’t pick her up because his wife left her mother at the house with him to keep an eye on him. To Brenda this sounds legit. When the check came Billy asked her to pay for it because he didn’t have time to stop at the ATM, he was running late and didn’t want to waste time getting to her.  Brenda agreed.  Outside he suggested they take his car.  They walked several blocks and turned the corner.  His car was on a dark quiet street.  Billy was so sweet.  He opened the door for her all the while talking smooth and making her laugh.  When he got in the car he told her how much he missed her and how fabulous she looked.  Brenda is sure he will be leaving his wife soon and Janine will finally have a daddy.  Meanwhile, Billy is going on and on about how tasty her lips look when puts his hand around the back of her head.  Finally, my kiss Brenda thought but instead Billy pulled her head down to his waiting dick. When did that come out? Well it’s okay we’re going to be married anyway.  Brenda sucked him blue. She made that man shake so violently he almost broke her damn neck. When she finished he put his dick back into his pants looked at his phone then started up the car.  He didn’t even say thank you!  Billy asked what kind of car she rented.  She told him and he asked to see it.  Confused Brenda directed him to it.  He pulled up beside her rental then pushed the door opener from his seat. Confused again, Brenda looked at him.  Billy? He told her that his mother-in-law just sent him text asking where he was.  He needed to swing by his house real quick but he would stop by the hotel later to finish what they’d started and pay her for the dinner.  Reluctantly Brenda got out.  She turned to say something to him but his car sped off. Brenda went back to the hotel, showered, put on a new nighty, ordered champagne, turned on the music and waited for her man. 

Brenda woke up to a knocking at the door. Billy… she opened the door but it was housekeeping.  Huh? What are you doing here? “Shall I come back in an hour Miss?” What time is it?  “Noon” Brenda slammed the door and ran to her phone.  Nothing, she was speechless. Brenda sat on the bed for what seems like an eternity before she finally realized she’d been played.  Damn and he stiffed her with a $360.00 dinner tab. That’s it!  She packed her shit and caught the first thing smoking back home. She was wrong earlier; this is the longest flight ever. After she got home and her humiliation subsided, she started to heal. And even though she was in massive debt and Janine still wasn’t speaking to her, life was going back to normal. One day while bored at work, Brenda went to Billy’s social network page and discovered he and his wife just had twins. There for the world to see are pictures of the lovely family. Brenda read the caption and did a double take.  He named one of his girls Brenda!!  She leaned back in her chair and sighed.  He does love me.